My Story

It took me my whole lifetime, up until very recently, to realize what makes me ME. Like many others, I came out of a troubled household. Like many others, I've carried my childhood scars everywhere I go. And, like many others, I couldn't see anything special in me for a long time.

What's funny is that I've spent the longest part of my life working as a model. Submerged into the industry that's built on and glorifies physical beauty in all the aspects of it, yet, in my opinion, models are some of the most insecure people out there. Stunningly beautiful in worldly standards, and deeply broken inside. I've spent the first 10+ years of my professional life swimming in the waters of the fashion industry. Being fully immersed into the cult of a physical appearance and completely cut off from the essence of who I truly am. My sense of self-worth being placed in my appearance, made me spend a fortune on clothes, make up and other fancy things. I consumed mindlessly, trying to compensate for that daunting inner feeling of worthlessness. I had a life many people desire, and yet felt completely lost and miserable.

Then, there came the day about 9 years ago when I knew that something had to change. I left the long-term relationship that I was losing myself in at the time, and set on a self-discovery journey. I had no idea where it would take me. I surely had no idea how long it would take until I reached the point when I finally feel like MYSELF. I didn't even know who that SELF was.

I took a leap, one of many I would have to take on this journey, and, just like with modeling, I fully immersed myself into another extreme — spirituality. At that time I felt so hurt and victimized by my experiences with the modeling world that without knowing it I escaped into spirituality, yet again losing myself in different spiritual traditions and philosophies. Slowly, but surely, rejecting those parts of me that I labeled as materialistic. Until I have created this new spiritual personality and fooled myself into believing that all the physical did not matter to me.

I went on Vipassana retreats. Got certified as a yoga teacher. Done volunteer work for a while. Dived into the world of psychedelic substances. "Swallowed" books on personal development. I've searched, and searched, and searched, and for a brief moment there I thought I was fine. Except that now, I've replaced my shopping addiction with a relationship one. I used relationships as an escape from having to actually look my trauma in the face and heal it. And, after a series of repeating anxious-avoidant cycles, I found myself back in the black hole of despair.

I've always had loads of ideas, yet never really felt like I was able to bring those visions to life. One day, in the midst of the pandemic, I sat on my bed in a rented apartment in Germany. I stared at the wall, where dozens of decorative golden butterflies were positioned next to each other in a golden ratio. I was looking at the composition and reflecting on the things I'd like to do with my life. Suddenly, it hit me... I've rejected and abandoned a whole big part of myself. I've judged it as bad and sent it to a dark and lonely prison cell within my psyche, and used romantic relationships to distract myself from looking at my broken, fragmented self.

Although it was very far from being clear, but that's when I got pregnant with the vision of Martamorphosis. I realized that in order to heal, I needed to recover all the lost fragments of myself and integrate them back into my being by learning and practicing the art of truly loving myself. I knew that only then I could offer something valuable to the world. So for the past several years I've been undergoing an intense process of death and rebirth, until I finally felt alive. Truly alive, in a powerful, meaningful way. And while I'll always remain a student of life, I am now ready to allow the creation that wants to come through me.

I’ve been on both sides of extreme - the physical and the ethereal, and found my middle way. I got to know, love and recreate myself in the ethereal and found a new healthy taste for fashion and beauty in the physical, I want to weave the two worlds together in a healthy, meaningful way so that you can experience it too. Martamorphosis - is, both, the culmination of my lifelong learning and the beginning of a new chapter of life in service of others. It's a platform for those who are willing to answer their soul's call for adventure, break out of every self-imposed prison, meet their most authentic and loving version of themselves and finally create a whole new, powerful and meaningful life. From my heart to yours, welcome to Martamorphosis.